i have a plan.
i have decided that i am not going to become a rock star by playing music.
observation: people in new york love their extracurricular activities. if new yorkers know how to do one thing together, it’s compete against each other in an organized, highly efficient manner. there are countless basketball leagues, biking groups, spin classes, beer pong tournaments, tennis clubs; for the young, the old, the gay, the straight, the talented and the beginner.
hypothesis: assuming playing sports is a good way to meet people, famous people like to play sports just like the rest of us, and becoming famous is all about who you know, then permeating the “A” list celebrity extracurricular scene in new york, should result in a successful career as a rock star.
this is what I have convinced myself.
i am confident , that i can totally kick tom hanks’ ass in anything involving a ball. i saw cast away. he turned a fucking volleyball into his best friend. at least kick it around a few times, bump it, play 21 against the tree as if it’s a basketball net; something. it’s a ball. treat is like one. you have nothing to do. i could have killed at least two weeks on that island thinking of games. by the end of week three, i would have put together a fucking league with the locals.
i am also pretty sure that i could give brad pitt a run for his money on the court; assuming that no wnba players show up and out school me. in which case, i will have to resort to quick wit and charm to win him over. but, competing with brad pitt on comedic timing shouldn’t be too difficult. i saw his cameo on friends. it was just okay.
alright, i lied.
i have the beginning of a plan. i still haven’t figured out where these celebrities hangout. nor, do i really know anyone that is famous to ask. a small detail, really. check back in six months. if i am already famous, you can probably assume that i have been spending most of my nights and weekends on the court and not in the recording studio.
1. observed through personal experience, minimal use of google and whatever the nice contributors of wikipedia told me was true.
2. just googled percentage of people that participate in sports in new york city and it turned up the following results:
60% of adults cant drink milk.
1 in 4 adults in new york have the herpes virus.
1 in 8 adults in new york have diabetes.
all good things to know, i think
3. this may not conform to proper hypothesis form, but i dont care. it’s a fucking blog and the last formal hypothesis i wrote was in grade 12 science class.
4. i think I read this in US magazine in a piece titled, “celebrities do it too.” And by read, I mean looked at pictures and quickly scanned the captions.
5. this word sounds kind of gross
6. caution: this sudden flood of confidence may be the result of too many crown royals on the rocks and one ginormous gravity bong. Yes, I know ginormous is not a word. spell check keeps reminding me with the red squiggly line. Do I care? No. the word gigantic is lame. So is enormous. It’s all about ginormous.
7. he may have actually played with the volleyball as if it was an actual ball. but, i asked my roommate and she’s about as sure as i am that he didn’t. frankly, i didn’t care enough to spend the $3.25 on a rental to tell you for certain. i also have no interest in ever watching that movie again. It’s three hours of a guy on the beach talking to a ball. once is enough. and if tom hanks was better at sports cast away wouldn’t have even been a good movie.
8. creating footnotes in blogger is really annoying. just saying.